Passing on Patriotism: Love of Country in Fatherhood

by Mike Ayers, Ph.D.

In 1998, The Wall Street Journal and NBC News conducted a survey among several hundred young Americans, asking them to name their most important values. At the top of the list was work ethic, followed by patriotism, religion, and having children.

Twenty-one years later in 2019, the same pollsters posed the same questions to 18-to-38-year-olds, members of the Millennial and Z generations. The results, published in The Wall Street Journal, revealed a significant shift in values among young adults. Those respondents were 10 percentage points less likely to value having children and 20 points less likely to highly prize patriotism or religion.

The nuclear family, religious devotion, and national pride—family, God, and country. These are the sacred trifecta of American traditionalism. The fact that allegiance to all three is in fast decline tells us something important about the evolution of the American identity. It also illustrates the declining influence of fathers to pass on these values to their kids.

As the Fourth of July approaches, it's a great time to reflect on ways to celebrate our nation in positive ways. But also, in a time where patriotism seems to be waning, it's important for dads to teach their children about the significance and beauty of the United States of America. Our nation has a rich legacy to share, and continuing that legacy means raising our kids to appreciate their heritage.

Here are some ways to pass on patriotism to your kids:

1. Discuss the meaning of Independence Day
July 4, 1776 is the day our founders inaugurated and signed the Declaration of Independence. They did this for the sake of establishing a nation upon the idea of limited government, democracy and individual freedom.

Here's a wild thought: actually read the Declaration of Independence with your family! (At least, the first two paragraphs and the last one). It's not corny to talk about with your kids- it's important.

So, discuss the concept of freedom (especially with your older children) and highlight the various freedoms that even they enjoy. Ask them: "What freedoms do you have because of our country?" You might get some fun answers! Through this, teach them to value those freedoms and understand that they have been protected by those who have served and sacrificed. Emphasize that their freedom is a God-given privilege that should never be taken for granted and must always be preserved.

2. Talk About Sacrifice
In the last line of the Declaration of Independence, the founders state “For the support of this declaration, with firm reliance on the protection of the divine providence, we mutually pledge to each other, our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor.” These individuals risked everything they had for the sake of building a nation upon the idea of limited government and individual freedom. Our country was the great experiment in freedom... and it worked! Ask your children: “What things are most important to you? What sacrifices do you make to keep and protect those things? What sacrifices do you make for family, faith, friends?” This will help them understand that that which is important is worthy of sacrifice and protecting... and if we don't, we may lose it.

Explain to your children the sacrifices that were made by our national fathers, by those who died to protect our freedom, as well as living service members and veterans who often spent months away from their families, endure challenging conditions, and risked their lives for us. If you have a veteran in your family, talk about them and their sacrifices. Teaching kids about sacrifice for our nation helps them respect these heroes for reasons beyond just protecting our country. It also teaches the value of moral courage for things that matter. Even at a young age, children possess a high level of emotional intelligence. Instilling respect early on helps them appreciate what we have and fosters pride in being Americans.

3. Honor the Flag and our National Anthem
Stand for our flag and sing our national anthem as an example to your kids, and expect them to do the same. Lead them!

In light of controversy where people choose to kneel instead of standing for the national anthem or refuse to pledge allegiance to the flag, it's important to reflect on the reasons why many Americans stand for the flag and sing the national anthem.

Americans have been standing for the U.S. flag since June 14, 1777, when the Continental Congress declared, “that the flag of the (thirteen) United States be thirteen stripes, alternate red and white: that the union be thirteen stars, white in a blue field, representing a new constellation.”

Thirty-seven years later, in August 1814, the White House and U.S. Capitol lay in ashes after the British burned the public buildings in Washington, D.C. In the aftermath, many Americans feared the Union Jack, the British flag, might soon fly over America again.

Three weeks after Washington was sacked, Francis Scott Key, a Maryland attorney who politically opposed the current president, was moved to see the U.S. flag flying victoriously after the battle for Baltimore’s Fort McHenry. Inspired, he wrote the lyrics for "The Star-Spangled Banner," which later became our national anthem.

• We Stand and Sing to Honor Those Who Sacrificed
We stand for the flag and sing our anthem to honor the more than 1.2 million Americans who have died in wars. This includes soldiers who inspired our national anthem, such as William Williams, a runaway slave who died after losing his leg at the Battle of Fort McHenry, and more recent heroes from WW2, the Vietnam War and the war on terror.

• We Stand and Sing to Celebrate Unity
We stand for the flag not to focus on what divides us, but on what unites us as Americans. Standing for the flag and anthem at public gatherings shows that we are all Americans, regardless of race, religion, sports team preferences, or political differences. It is a salute to our shared identity and unity.

• We Stand and Sing to Honor Our Democracy
Standing for the flag honors the reality that we have an elected president, not a lifetime king. Our flag reflects a system of government where fifty states are united under a federal government. Though we are all different, we are all united under our flag and as Americans. We stand and sing not for a king or a government, but for each other. This is our way to say that despite national challenges and imperfections, we are united as a people.

• We Stand and Sing for Justice
We stand and sing not to ignore past or present injustices, but to salute the principle of justice. The color blue in our flag signifies vigilance, perseverance, and justice. Patriotism is not about ignoring past wrongs, but in the principles granted to us by freedom that drive change and make us better. We’re not perfect as a country, but we have righted many wrongs in our history and we live in the greatest, freest nation in human history.

From John Adams and Thomas Jefferson to Martin Luther King, Jr., Americans have stood for justice. King, in his 1968 “I Have a Dream” speech, highlighted that the principles of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence promise unalienable rights to all. He called for these principles to be applied to all Americans to make “justice a reality for all of God’s children.”

• We Stand and Sing to Inspire Future Generations
Standing for the flag and anthem is about setting an example for our children, so they understand and embrace the principles of justice, perseverance, and courage.
When we stand for the flag and sing our anthem, we are declaring our hopes for our children’s future, ensuring they carry forward the moral truths of patriotism. By doing so, we pass down our love for country, our freedoms and the hopes that the next generation will also stand with pride and honor for our nation.

4. Make the 4th of July Fun for Your Family
Finally, do something special on July 4th— eat special food, pray for our nation together as a family, watch fireworks, and make sure your kids know this day is important to you as their father.