A Father’s Day to Remember: 5 Questions to Ask Your Dad While You Can

by Mike Ayers, Ph.D.

It’s been said that to learn from your own mistakes is great, but to learn from someone else’s is genius. There are many life lessons we can glean from our fathers from both their good times and bad. These moments have deeply shaped them and provide a goldmine of wisdom if we choose to ask about them.

Moreover, life goes by quickly and I think a question that lingers for us when it comes to our own father is, “Do we really know this man?” As our parents age, we realize the importance of cherishing the moments we have with them and making the most of the time we have left. I’m sad to say that I realized the significance of this late in life, but I am thankful that before my father died I had rich conversations with him about his life. Many of the things he told me I didn’t even know and there were stories I had never heard.

One of the most valuable ways to connect with your father this Father’s Day is through conversation. Below are five important questions to ask your dad while you still have the opportunity. Wouldn’t this be a great way to celebrate Father’s Day 2024?

1. What Was Your Childhood Like?
Understanding your father's early years can give you a window into the forces that shaped his character and values. Ask about his childhood memories, the neighborhood he grew up in, his family dynamics, and the challenges he faced. This can help you appreciate his journey and see the parallels and contrasts with your own upbringing.

Example: "Dad, what was your favorite thing to do as a kid?"

2. What Are Three of the Biggest Challenges You've Faced, and How Did You Overcome Them?
Life is full of trials and tribulations, and your father has likely faced his fair share. Learning about the significant challenges he's encountered and how he navigated them can offer you a profound understanding of his resilience and strength. It can also provide you with valuable lessons and coping strategies for your own life.

Example: "Can you tell me about some tough times you went through and what you did to get through them?"

3. What Are Three of Your Proudest Achievements?
Everyone has moments they cherish and achievements they hold dear. Asking your father about his proudest moments can reveal what he values most and what he considers his greatest successes. This can range from professional accomplishments to personal milestones and can help you see the world through his eyes.

Example: "What achievement are you most proud of in your life?"

4. How Did You Meet Mom, and What Was Your Relationship Like in the Early Days?
The story of how your parents met and fell in love is a significant part of your family history. Asking your dad about the early days of his relationship with your mom can provide you with a romantic and personal perspective on their partnership. It can also offer insights into the foundation of your family and the values that underpin it.

Example: "How did you and Mom meet, and what was your first date like?"

5. What Advice Would You Give to Your Younger Self?
This question can uncover the lessons your father has learned over the years and the wisdom he has gained through experience. His reflections and advice can be incredibly enlightening and may offer guidance that you can apply to your own life. It’s a way to benefit from his hindsight and the perspective that only time can provide.

Example: "If you could go back in time, what advice would you give your younger self?"

As a bonus: here are five great questions to ask your dad about fathering:

• Are there things you wish you had done differently as a father?
• Do you think today's fathers have things harder or easier than you had them?
• What did you enjoy most about being a father? What did you like least?
• What traditions did your father pass on to you that you passed on to us?
• What was one of the hardest moments you had being a father and why was it hard?

Asking these questions is an opportunity to deepen your relationship with your dad, honor him and preserve his legacy. The answers you receive can offer valuable life lessons, provide a sense of continuity, and help you understand the man who has played such a crucial role in your life. Don’t wait until it’s too late—take the time to ask, listen, and cherish these conversations while you still can.